San Andreas (2015)

Action, Drama, Thriller
Dwayne Johnson, Carla Gugino, Alexandra Daddario, Ioan Gruffudd
In the aftermath of a massive earthquake in California, a rescue-chopper pilot makes a dangerous journey with his ex-wife across the state in order to rescue his daughter.
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San Andreas has a great cast and outstanding special effects, but amidst all the senses-shattering destruction, the movie's characters and plot prove less than structurally sound.
  • Warner Bros. Company:
  • PG-13 Rated:
  • IMDB link IMDB:
  • 29 May 2015 Released:
  • 20 Oct 2015 DVD Release:
  • $154.8M Box office:

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Trailer:

Total waste of time1/10
I had been waiting to see this with much anticipation and what a complete let down. I can honestly say I have not seen such an awful film for a long time. After watching San Andres Fault by mistake I was so hopeful that nothing could be quite as bad as that. I was wrong. I know it's a big blockbuster and made to leave the viewer in awe, but I just laughed at it. My partner and I sat and said what was going to happen next and it did. The plot was dire from the start and I was kind of hoping the film would end before it had even got half way through it. Why do they always have Brits in American films who sound like they are so posh? Totally not called for. The acting was OK and I like Dwayne Johnson, but this was beneath him. The most ridiculous film in years.
Disastrous4/10
My first experience in the UltraScreen®DLX with massive screen, Dreamlounger™ leather reserved recliners, and Dolby Atmos immersive sound with bass you can feel (it's true), was none other than to see San Andreas. If you haven't been following my reviews this summer, my goal is to review all of the summer blockbusters on cheap movie days for $5.

My first surprise was that the seats are reserved. You get to pick your seat, although there were few left to choose from when I arrived. The second surprise was that the chairs are power recliners, so you just push a button and wham you go back and your legs go up. The third surprise was a smell I hadn't smelled in years, not since junior high locker room. It was a mix of people who don't like to shower, don't like to wash their gym clothes, and wet tile. Then a nice young couple who dry humped the whole movie sat next to me and at least she was wearing a strong perfume that mostly covered up the smell.

But I digress. What about this disaster movie? It features a family (that apparently has no last name, at least not that I ever learned, nor is there any last name listed for them in the credits, so I will call them Family #1), a pretty family, an upper-middle-class family that is going through a rather benign divorce and Emma causes trouble immediately because she is moving in with a richy rich dude (who has a last name, because he's Daniel Riddick), a thoroughly loathsome man incapable of love except for buildings.

Ray is solid as a rock, he's something sturdy, like a real man, someone you can cling to or hold on to no matter what. He loves his daughter, Blake, very much, because he blames himself for the death of his other daughter, whom we eventually learn died while rafting. You see, Ray is a professional rescue-chopper pilot, so the death of his daughter is as much personal as it was a professional blunder.

The main problem with this disaster movie is that Family #1 is split in two groups, and there is no real belief that any of them will ever actually die, although San Andreas does feature Blake enduring the longest non-death sequence I've ever seen. In better disaster movies, like the original Poseidon Adventure (it's unfortunate that I have to clarify the "original" Poseidon Adventure) the protagonists are traipsing and shambling through the disaster together, and they drop like flies until the very end, when only a handful of the worthy and fortunate survive.

The acting in San Andreas isn't bad, and it's not good. It's extremely okay. Poor Paul Giamatti, who seems typecast as himself these days.

Things blow up, collapse, and fall apart real good. The special effects are pretty amazing and realistic. It's nice to see so many Californians perish as a precursor to the Great Water Wars of 2016. In fact, even though Ray is a civil servant responsible for saving lives, he tries to fly the chopper from L.A. to San Francisco to save his daughter instead of trying to save anyone in Los Angeles or elsewhere along the way. He _does_, however, trade a stolen pickup for directions to an airfield, which I suppose is a fair trade and shows he's a Really Good Guy.

There is a bit of adventure. Ray commandeers trains and boats and planes. Well, no trains. That would've been pretty cool to drive a train through an earthquake. A simple oversight, I suppose. Nevertheless, I sensed the feeling of excitement at the thought of being in a real disaster, stealing whatever vehicles were around to go wherever I wanted. And it's nice to see a lot of chopper scenes in a movie. There should be more chopper scenes in every movie.

Forget the millions of Californians who died or were dying along the way. All we care about are a handful of pretty, well-off people trying to survive the worst earthquake in human history. We rarely see anyone die, because they get swooped up or down or crushed. No bones, no blood, no limbs flying everywhere. It's pretty WASPish death, as people disappear in clouds of dust, never to be seen or heard from again.

Despite all the Californian death and destruction, Americans can be jingoistically proud to see a final flowing flag confirming we are the best nation-state on Earth, and we will rebuild it all for the next disaster.
Wow.1/10
This movie is absolutely terrible.

Imagine melting a 4kg ball of Edam, a 12kg slab of cheddar and 47 cases of mozzarella, it still wouldn't be anywhere near as cheesy as this piece of drivel.

I was dragged along to see it and for the entire time I sat there wondering if this was some kind of sick joke I wasn't in on.

The effects were decent but lets be honest, which movie doesn't have decent effects nowadays? The acting is absolutely horrific, the rock has the acting ability of a disabled fox and I wanted the two English toff kids to die every time they appeared on the screen.

The girl in it, although very attractive, has the personality of a sprout.

Bah! if anyone offers to watch this movie in your presence please punch them in the face.

The ending where the rock says something like "now we rebuild" and the American flag unfurls in the wind made me want to spew my popcorn all over the cinema floor.

Avoid at all costs.
Big Dumb America5/10
Hilariously dumb and manipulative, it's entertaining on that level alone, although scary in that it's so boarder line that you can't be sure the movie was made with tongue anywhere near cheek, I'm inclined to think not. That this movie is serious, that America needs to feel like a scared kitten rescued by a big stack of muscles. That stack of muscles is Dwayne Johnson and it's hard not to love him. He's kinda good in this, I like him, even when he's part of this manipulative propaganda. The special effects were nice. it kinda flowed, sort of, I guess, lots of plot holes but why bother looking for them when the iq level they're aiming this at is so low you're not supposed to notice. The cheesy flag at the end gives you another good piece of cheese to choke on. If we're going to go down we might as well go down stupid.
Rehashed crap.1/10
This was one of the worst examples of Hollywood smearing money on something until a room full of idiots gives texted approvals.

A brave, muscle bound man rescues his soon to be ex-wife, who just happens to be marrying a real Snidley McWhiplash billionaire played by one of the dingus's from fantastic 4... by commandeering a coastguard helicopter and basically doing whatever the hell he wants with it which apparently is to fly over literally millions and millions of people in immediate need of rescue to save his wife and daughter. Both of which are horribly cast, plastic coated Californians lounging poolside and enjoying the finer things in life and then... Disaster strikes! There is no connection with these characters and you just don't care if they live or die, I was hoping for the latter in every case.

Oh, and there's the "expert" quoting countless geologists from the discovery channel who conveniently and of course, narrowly escapes death dozens of times only to unfailingly "know" what's about to happen, sadly, just after it happens.

This is a perfect example of Hollywood, being Hollywood and should be avoided by anyone who's been hollywooded before, which is anyone watching this kind of crap over the last several decades. I would have given it a 0 but IMDb, sadly doesn't give that option.